Whenever I go online, I’m bombarded by listicles and articles about relationship break-ups, but never friendship break-ups. And having experienced both, friendship break-ups are honestly way worse.😢 And, fortunately, I learned that from experience. 😞
One of my best friends is named R. We were buds of the bestest kind – sometimes, we were inseparable. It felt almost like we were sisters. We could gayut sampai lewat malam and still have loads to talk about the next day in class. How? I dunno. The magic of friendship maybe.
One day, we had a falling out. I said some things. She said some things. I said more things. And then… silence.
We went from talking daily and hanging out weekly to just…. Nothing. We didn’t speak for like eight whole months. And even though I tried not to, I missed her like mad. Losing our friendship like that, even temporarily, sucked. Periodt.
But even though it was hard, that experience taught me a lot pasal friendships – specifically, what a friendship really needs.
1. A friendship is really about listening
When I think back to why my friend and I fell out in the first place, it’s really cause kitorang cam telinga batu in that moment. We were so determined to get our own points across, we never really listened to one another. I think knowing to pause, and really pay 100% attention to what your friend is saying is so important. People love feeling seen and heard! So see them and hear them!
2. Don’t shy away from Hard Conversations
Bruh, I know. It’s so much easier to just pretend everything is all good when it is actually very much not good at all. But being able to talk about things, even when you disagree, is so important! Don’t sweep it under the rug – instead, bring up the topic and follow step 1. Being able to talk through these bumpy patches will make sure ya’ll can handle anything else that comes your way in the future.
3. Ego has no place in your friendship
Dah. Takyah. Ego is a no-no! Both R and I wanted to be right so much that we ended up both being miserable! It was only after we put our ego aside that we managed to patch up again. Percayalah sis — we all need to be better at saying stuff like “I’m sorry” or “I miss you“ or “Yes, you were right”. Friendships are not about just you – and ego can get in the way of the amazing bond you both share, so abaikan je lah ego tu k?
4. Lift each other up!
Friends are meant to make you a better person and you, them. So like don’t be that friend that rains on their parade or stops them from being a better person. Instead, push them to do so! Support them towards their goals and be their cheerleader. Whether that means studying with them or giving them a pep talk before a big day – be the friend who helps them achieve their best life and I guarantee your friend will appreciate it sooner or later.
5. And lastly, just Make An Effort. Seriously.
Some people just click with one another, and that’s great! But that doesn’t mean we should take that connection or friendship for granted. Like everything else in life, it takes work to build and maintain (!) a friendship. Just show up. Go out of your way sometimes to make them smile and show them you care. And text them first. And make time for them! Put in the work to show them you appreciate and value them. Usaha ni penting!
Since our falling out, I’m happy to report that R and I have made peace. But we still have work to do! Thankfully, work doesn’t feel like work when it’s for someone you really care about. I’ve been trying to be a better friend and I know she is too — and that’s the sign of a true friendship.